


Impulse

by nothingeverlost



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, M/M, Prostitution, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1924245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingeverlost/pseuds/nothingeverlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s like renting a car.  You know how to drive, it’s just a different model.”</p><p>Or the one where Graham is a prostitute and Gold is lonely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Time

“You lost or are you looking for some company?” It was dark enough that it was hard to make out the features of the man who leaned into the car through the rolled down window. There weren’t many street lights in this part of town.

“Company?” It was a stupid idea, and if he hadn’t been slightly buzzed he never would have pulled to the side of the road. It was three weeks before Christmas, though, and he had to admit to himself, at least, that he was lonely. The holidays were not meant for a man living alone without family.

“It’s a hundred buck, plus more depending on what you want, and condoms are mandatory.” In his boyhood the Irish accent the man spoke with would have meant a foreigner, but now it sounded like home.

“Do you get paid first?” Gold had no idea how it worked; it wasn’t exactly the type of thing anyone explained. Was it like the gas station, paying first, or a restaurant where payment was after services rendered? And did people tip?

“Not unless you’re planning on cheating me, but you don’t seem the type. Let me in?” The man pointed to the lock on the door.

“Yes, of course, I…” Gold hit the automatic button on his door before he could think about it too hard.

“You can call me Graham, if you want, or any name you’d prefer.” The man who slid into the passenger seat was taller than he had seemed at first, alone under one of the few streetlights. He came a lot closer to the roof of the car than Gold did.. “There’s a motel around the corner that rents by the hour.”

“I live just a few minutes from here, if that’s alright?” He could only guess at the cleaning standards at a rent by the hour place, and suppressed a shudder. His home might be full of dust collectors, but a little dust never hurt anyone. 

“You’re the one paying, it’s your choice. No missus at home, I take it?” The man buckled himself in before rolling up his window. It wasn’t exactly warm in Maine during December. Gold reached for the heater and turned it up a few notches.

“I live alone.” And though it was only a few minutes away there was a drastic change in neighborhoods over the couple of miles. The tree lined suburban streets certainly never had prostitutes standing on them. 

“That way no one finds the bodies in the basement, right?” Graham leaned into the heat a little. He didn’t look dressed well enough for being out in the night air.

Gold jerked his head to the side. “I…”

“That was a joke,” Graham said with a laugh. “This is your first time, isn’t it?”

“My first time?” Distracted, he almost missed the turn onto the street where he’d lived for decades.

“Picking up a prostitute. It’s alright, there’s nothing to be anxious about. It’s sex and it’s normal. Or abnormal, if that’s what gets you off.” When they pulled into the garage and the car was at a complete stop Graham reached over and touched his thigh lightly. “It’s like renting a car. You know how to drive, it’s just a different model.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve… driven.” Gold felt stupid, staring at the steering wheel. It was a really bad idea; he was tempted to back out of the garage and take his guest back to his street corner.

“There’s no reason to put pressure on yourself. How about this; for one fifty you have the whole night, so you can go at whatever pace works for you. We’ll call it the Cinderella package. It’s eight o’clock now, so it’s four whole hours until midnight.” Graham leaned over, brushing his lips against Gold’s neck. “Let’s go inside, okay?”

“Lead the way to the ball,” Gold commented wryly as he go out of the car, pulling his cane from the back seat. The garage lead to the mudroom, and from there to the kitchen. Gold turned on the lights, getting his first good look at his company.

“I’ve got the party favors.” Graham patted the pocket of a sports coat that might have been nice once, but now it was impossible to tell if it had started out as gray or brown. The shirt underneath was a blue button down, the top buttons undone. He was a good looking man. Gold couldn’t guess at his age, though he guessed somewhere in his thirties. 

“I don’t do…”

“Condoms. That’s all I meant. I don’t do anything either, unless you count the occasional joint when it’s offered. And alcohol, but that doesn’t really count the same, does it?” There was a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue on the counter, next to a single crystal glass.

“Would you like a drink?” Gold picked up the glass, brought on a trip to Ireland years ago.

“Tonight’s not about what I want, though I would like having a name to call you. Or a title. Some people prefer that.” Graham leaned against a counter. “I won’t say no to a drink if you’re pouring, though. That looks like it’s probably not bottom shelf.”

“It’s Duncan.” Gold got out a second glass, pouring a few fingers for the both of them. His hands fortunately did not shake. It was strange having someone stand so close, watching him. He was used to being the one doing the watching.

“I’ll carry those, if you have someplace more comfortable to sit,” Graham offered. “I like the cane, by the way. It has potential.”

“I’m not sure I want to know what that means.” He surrendered the glasses, though, and led the way to the library. It was the most comfortable room, and where he spent most of his time when he was home. A small tree on an end table, decorated with a dozen antique ornaments, was the only sign of the approaching holiday. Sometimes he didn’t know why he bothered with even that much, but each ornament had a story and the memories each December when he hung them were worth the trouble.

“Nice tree. A bit on the small side though,” Graham commented, bending down to examine the ornaments. 

He had a very nice arse.

“I suppose yours is bigger?” Gold leaned his cane against the sofa and settled down on one side, leaving plenty of space for his guest.

“Sure is. I went for a twenty-five footer this year; took a crew all day to decorate it. You should check it out sometime, I keep it on the city green.” Graham touched one of the fake branches of Gold’s tree. “It’s the real thing too.”

“I believe I’ve noticed it.” He didn’t ask the man where he actually lived, or if he had a tree in whatever room or apartment he called his own. If he had a space to call his own.

“So tell me, Duncan, what is it that you like?” Graham chose the middle of the couch, not quite touching but there were only inches between them and plenty of space on his other side.

“Antiques, though I think you can guess that from my home. Noir films. Italian f…”

“This isn’t a date, you don’t have to worry about what we have in common. What do you _like_?” Graham left his drink on the table, his hand settling on Gold’s thigh. “Tonight’s whatever you want it to be. Any fantasy you’ve had, any position you want, anything you want me to do to you, or anything you want to do to me. You can stay right here and sip your drink while I suck you off, or we can try to fuck in every room in this house.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.” It had been a couple of years since he’d brought anyone home. Longer, since it had been a man. Sitting across from someone at a restaurant in making a mutual decision was a long way from paying someone for sex.

Was he really that desperate?

“There was something that made you pull over tonight, wasn’t there Duncan?” Graham didn’t push any farther, for which he was grateful. His hand was still on Gold’s thigh but he hadn’t moved it to anywhere more intimate.

“Impulse.” It was the first of many Christmas parties that he would be obligated to make an appearance at, for the sake of business. There had been families at this one, including a curly haired toddler that had reminded him of his son. He’d had a little more to drink than he should have before heading to his empty home.

“What does that impulse tell you to do now? You can listen to your gut.” Graham’s eyes were warm. He’d tried going to a therapist once when his marriage was falling apart. Perhaps if the man had been as trustworthy as the stranger who sat next to him he might have lasted more than two sessions.

“Touch,” he answered without meaning to speak. He didn’t want to think about the last time he’d touched anyone other than to shake a hand.

“You can touch me wherever you want.” The sports coat was gone somehow, and Graham undid the rest of his shirt buttons to show a smooth chest. There was little hair, but a few crude tattoos marked the skin. “It’s a good place to start.”

“I don’t know.” 

“Touch is easy.” As if to prove his point Graham brushed Gold’s hair away from his neck, fingers lightly stroking the exposed skin. “And it feels good.”

“It does.” It was just touch, he could do that. The skin was pale and soft under his fingers. Graham’s chest was broader than Gold’s own, his muscles better defined where Gold’s were softened by age and a bit of spare weight. Graham was a beautiful man, but he didn’t have an ounce of extra weight on him. He was almost painfully thin; Gold’s fingers glanced over ribs that he could see clearly defined. His fingers could slip easily beneath the waistband of Graham’s jeans.

He was working a street corner to feed himself.

“Put your shirt back on.” It was more of an order than he’d intended.

“Not a fan of the tats? There aren’t any on my back if you want me on all fours.” Graham shrugged as he redid the buttons on his shirt. “Or some people like the lights off.”

“You filled your end of the deal, you’ll get your money, but I can’t do this.” He’d been accused of using people before, but never had he felt it so blatantly. He really was a bastard.

“I didn’t earn…”

“I need to use the restroom.” It was a waste to gulp blue label Johnnie, but he drained his glass before limping towards the bathroom and locking the door behind him. He was already half hard just listening to Graham say what could be done. His head spun, only half from the alcohol. Words had a power of their own and Graham knew how to wave a spell with his. It wouldn’t take more than a drink to forget what little shreds of decency he had manage to hold onto. He could tell the man just what he wanted, and feel the other man’s cock inside of him. He could watch the curly hair as the man knelt before him, sensuous mouth wrapped around his cock. There were so many things that could happen if he just let it.

All of them were wrong.

He would be lying if he said it wasn’t tempting. He almost wished he could forget about it tonight and hate himself in the morning. But he wouldn’t let himself do it.

That didn’t stop him from wrapping his hand around his cock and imaging Graham’s mouth on his body, sucking and biting. Graham’s fingers wrapped around Gold’s cock as he fucked him from behind, getting them both off. An attractive young man like Graham wanting to be with him, not because he was paid to fuck a stranger.

When he came Gold quickly cleaned himself up, avoiding looking in the mirror that hung over the sink. He returned to the library to find Graham perusing the shelves where he kept his DVDs. 

“My Christmas selection is rather limited, but I have White Christmas. Would you be interested in watching with me?” It was perhaps the strangest offer he’d made to anyone, but he wasn’t in a state yet to drive the man back. And though he’d taken care of his sexual needs temporarily, the moment Graham left he would have to face being in an empty home again.

“That’s not what you’re paying me for.”

“You said whatever I want. What I want right now is to watch a completely unrealistic but charming Christmas movie.” It was still in the plastic, an impulse buy from a few years before; there didn’t seem to be much point in watching a Christmas movie alone.

“If you’re sure that’s what you want.” Graham returned to the same position on the couch. Gold, emboldened by his drink, or perhaps just knowing that nothing would happen, sat close enough that their legs touched after putting the movie in the DVD player.

“Thank you.” They watched two movies, stopping in the middle to raid the kitchen and make popcorn with a ridiculous amount of butter. It was after midnight when he finally took Graham back to his corner, insisting on giving him the promised fee. 

“When you’re ready to try again, I’m here most nights,” Graham offered as he got out of the car. “Next time’s half price.”

“Keep warm,” he said as the car door was opened and the cold Maine air fought with the car’s heat. Once Graham was outside the circle cast by the streetlight Gold couldn’t see where he went. It was the last he’d see of the man, he was certain.

It wasn’t like he was coming back.


	2. Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graham talks with his roommate

"You were out late. Big spender?" Ruby was sitting on the couch when he got back to the apartment they shared, flipping through a magazine. The tv was on, but playing a commercial.

"Like I’m going to kiss and tell." Not that there was much kissing to speak about. Graham was usd to some strange requests from clients, but he’d never had one ask him to watch movies. At least not the kind of movies Duncan Gold had played.

“It wasn’t a bad one, was it?” He could feel Ruby’s gaze as she looked him up and down; he’d done the same thing to her often enough. Patched her too, too, when it was needed just like she took care of him.

“He was a good guy. Lonely.” If he hadn’t seen the bulge in the man’s pants or noted the amount of time he’d stayed in the bathroom Graham might have suspected Duncan Gold didn’t care about sex. It certainly wasn’t an impotency problem. Graham was still confused about why the man wouldn’t at least let him suck him off. He’d had clients before that either weren’t interested in men but wanted a quick and dirty blow job. He’d had men that refused to admit that they were interested in men.

He didn’t think Gold was either one of those. He’d seen the way the man had watched him; he was interested. But they’d still just watched movies. He’d paid a hundred and fifty for something Graham would have done for free. It was the easiest rent money Graham had ever made. “What about you?”

“The doctor again tonight. Claims it’s in the name of science, and who am I to argue? He spends half his time just watching, so easy money.” Ruby shrugged. “Want a beer?”

“I had a drink tonight, pretty sure a sip costs more than a six pack.” Graham followed her to the kitchen, which was really just the other side of the room. He and Ruby each had a bedroom and shared a bathroom that was mostly Ruby’s domain. The rest of the apartment was one one open area.

“So the guy was rich? Think you’ll see him again? Or maybe you want to pass him on?” Ruby handed him her drink to open.

“Pretty sure you’re not his type, Rubs. Not the right equipment.” It was just a guess, but Graham was pretty good at reading people.

“All the rich ones are gay or married. Or kinky, but then who isn’t?” 

“Not many I’ve met.” There were some kinks he wished he’d never learned about. One or two that he’d always carry as physical reminders. Some he’d enjoyed.

He wondered what Gold’s kinks were. He wondered if he’d ever see the man again. And he wondered why he cared.


	3. Rainy Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t you think it’s about time you show me your room?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m jumping a few steps forward in this verse. First time sex, a couple of months after their first meeting.
> 
> TW: brief mentions of physical and sexual abuse.

“If you haven’t seen To Have or Have Not I was thinking it might be a good movie for tonight. The rain sets a certain mood, doesn’t it?” Duncan had made them steaks. Graham had managed to pull together a salad; he could handle a knife far better than he could manage to cook anything. Between them they’d finished off a bottle of wine that Graham suspected was worth as much as he’d earned the night before.

“I can appreciate the rain as long as I’m not out in it.” It might have been the wine that had him cornering Gold in the kitchen. Or instinct. Or frustration. There was a tiny bit of chocolate at the corner of Gold’s mouth and Graham leaned forward to lick it off. “But it doesn’t put me in a movie watching mood.”

“I…” Graham cut him off, catching his mouth while it was open and covering it with his own, tasting the cherry and tannin in the wine they’d shared. With one hand against the counter he leaned in, exploring the other man’s mouth. Duncan had paid for his company four times before movies became a regular things and money had stopped changing hands. But a kiss was as far as they’d gotten.

He wanted more.

“Don’t you think it’s about time you show me your room?” he asked. Gold had undone the first two buttons of his shirt, which was as relaxed as Graham had ever seen him. The skin had been tempting him all evening and now he stooped down until he could cover the exposed vee with his lips.

“If you don’t want to watch Bogart I have…”

“Duncan, you’re what I want to watch right now. Just you, with preferably a great deal less clothing.” It was a situation he’d never experienced in his life, a person reticent to have sex with him. Almost everyone he’d ever had sex with had come to him for that reason. There had been plenty of times he’d wished for the opportunity to say no, a few times he’d tried and couldn’t, but none in which they said no to him. 

“I can’t do this.” He tried to pull away, but Graham held him. Just for a moment. 

“You don’t mean that physically; I can feel proof of your interest against my leg right now.” It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed the bulge in Gold’s pants. But it also wasn’t the first time he’d pulled away after a sexual advance, and Graham needed to know why. “And I know you watch me. You paid me almost five hundred dollars last month to watch movies with you, Dunc. You want something.”

“I enjoy your company.” There wasn’t much space between Graham and the counter, but Gold canted his hips back so he no longer touched Graham’s leg.

“Do you find me unattractive? Or I’m not your type?” It wasn’t an ego boost. He knew better than most that people often had a type. And he knew enough people that if Gold was looking for something specific he could help. Or at least he hoped he’d been big enough to make the offer, despite the disappointment. He also made his living banking on the fact that people found him attractive, and had enough customers to be reassured of the fact.

“You’re one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen.” Gold answered quickly enough that Graham didn’t question the truth. He had to admit that it made him feel relieved.

“I understand if you’re nervous about safety, but I get tested every six month and I’m clean. And I have condoms.” Sex with condoms was a rule he had to protect himself, but now it was just as much about protecting Duncan.

“I trust you.” Another point marked off of Graham’s checklist of possible objections, and he was no closer to an answer.

“You are attracted to men, aren’t you Duncan?” He might as well be blunt. Gold hadn’t talked about boyfriends or girlfriends, only dates that he’d gone on. But that first night, at the start at least he knew Duncan had picked him him just like any other client.

“I’m gay.” There was something about the way he said it, the slight derisive tone that Graham took note of and filed away for later.

There was one option he hated to have to bring up, but it was a question he’d had since the first night. “I wouldn’t ever hurt you, Duncan, but if someone has and that’s why…”

“No.” Gold’s reaction was both swift and surprised, as if just the idea of what Graham was suggesting was foreign. It was a relief, but Graham felt a slight twinge of jealousy. Not that he’d ever want Duncan to feel the fear of having someone take what they wanted, to use his own body against him. It was just a world Graham would never get to live in.

“So you just don’t want to sleep with me.” The one fucking time he wanted a man. It was rare he bothered with sex outside of work, but he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Gold for weeks now. He dreamt about him too, sometimes innocent dreams about silly things like performing in a musical together, sometimes erotic dreams that had him waking up hard and wanting. “Okay, it’s good to get that cleared up. You said something about Bogart?”

“I don’t want to be one of them,” Duncan blurted out, his fingers digging into Graham’s forearm as he held him.

“One of who?” he asked, half distracted. It wasn’t fair, the touch when there wasn’t going to be more. Maybe he’d call it a night and go. If Ruby was home they could get drunk and talk about how shitty men were; it was a conversation Ruby was always ready to have.

“The men who pick you up on the street corner. The ones that buy you. I’ve seen them. Fuck, I was one, and I don’t want that for you.” Gold’s shoulders sagged as the brief fight went out of him. “I want to be your friend.”

“Is that all you want from me?” Before Gold could answer Graham held up a finger. “Wait. Forget what I do, if we’d met in a bar and had talked and I wanted to go home with you, would you be interested?”

“I…” Gold closed his mouth, lips pressed together as if he was forcing himself not to answer.

“What if we’d met over dinner and at the end of the night I leaned over and whispered in your ear that I wanted to fuck you all night long?” Graham drew Duncan’s earlobe into his mouth, scraping the flesh with his teeth. “Would you say yes?”

Gold’s answer was an abrupt nod. When Graham pulled back he could see that Gold’s eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip hard enough that all color was gone.

“Then trust me, Duncan. No money is changing hands tonight. You’re not a john, you didn’t pick me up tonight. This is my choice and you’re not buying me, I’m sharing myself with you. You’re sharing yourself with me.” Graham pressed their foreheads together. “Will you be with me tonight, Duncan Gold?”

“It’s your choice?” Gold asked softly. In answer Graham took his hand and pulled him towards the doorway of the kitchen.

“Show my your bedroom, Dunc,” he said as he turned off the light. They were slow as they made their way up the stairs, Gold leaning on his cane but not letting go of Graham’s hand. It had been more than two months, almost three since his first visit, but it was the first time Graham had been to the second floor. He barely paid the hallway any attention, too intent on the door that Gold had pointed out as being his own. “No second thoughts?”

“I’ve wanted you since the night I picked you up, but I couldn’t do it. Knowing it was your job, it felt like…”

“I’m glad you didn’t, that night. You might not have come back a second time, and I would have missed out on your dvd collection.” Graham smirked, sitting on the edge of the bed that wasn’t that different than he’d imagined. Of course Duncan would have something old and ornate. Graham was just glad it was big as well. “I won’t ask you to forget what I am all the time, but just for tonight, okay? I’m just Graham.”

“I want you, Graham.” Gold sat on the edge of the bed next to him, staring down at his lap as if he didn’t know what to do next.

“Good. That makes the rest of this pretty easy.” Gold still held the handle of his cane. Graham uncurled his fingers and watched as it fell. “All you have to do is tell me what you want. Or what you don’t.”

“No,” Gold shook his head. “It’s not about me, it’s about you too.”

“Then let me show you what I want.” He needed to know if Gold’s hair was as soft as it looked, and slid his fingers through the thick mane as he brought their lips together. It was like combing silk with his fingers. He wondered how Gold would react if he tugged on it, but tonight wasn’t the time to find out. Later, he hoped, there’d be times to learn which buttons Golf liked pushed and how to push him past the edge of reason. Today it was better to take it slow. Or at least as slow as he could go considering the months of foreplay.

Once he let himself relax Gold certainly knew what to do with his mouth. Graham was pretty experienced in almost anything to do with sex, but the way Duncan was sucking on his upper lip made him forget what he had meant to do. “Yes.”

“Yeah?” Duncan seemed unsure.

“Duncan, the only concern I have when you kiss me is that I’m gonna come before we both manage to get our clothes off. Do that again, will you?” Just in case he wasn’t making himself perfectly clear, Graham leaned back on the bed, legs spread slightly, his jeans obviously tented in front.

“I meant what I said earlier, you know. You really are the most beautiful man I’ve seen.” Gold rested a tentative hand on Graham’s chest as he knelt on the bed. For a moment he just looked before obeying Graham’s request and kissing him. It started as a lick, the tip of his tongue tracing the seem of Graham’s lips, but by the time Gold was done they were both gasping for breath.

“Is it hot in here or is that just me?” Graham undid the buttons of his shirt, letting it fall open. Hoping that Gold was okay and wouldn’t bolt this time. 

“Did they hurt?” Gold’s fingers traced the tattoos on his ribs, the flowers twined around a skull, before moving to the wolf that covered most of his upper chest.

“Only when I was working on them.” It wasn’t the complete truth, but pain was relative and tattoos were far from the worst he’d known.

“You?” Gold frowned.

“Have to have something to do when it’s raining outside,” Graham said with a shrug. When Gold’s fingers skirted too close to the scars that the wolf covered Graham captured his hands. There were some questions that didn’t need to be asked tonight. “I could give you one. A nice little lizard on your arm, maybe?”

Graham unbuttoned Duncan’s shirt, something inside him unknotting at the fact that Gold didn’t try to stop him at all. She he pushed the shirt down one arm he kissed the newly exposed skin. “Maybe about here?”

“I’d rather you did other things with your hands.” 

“Things like this?” Graham covered the front of Gold’s pants and squeezed. It was satisfying to feel how hard he was. Reassuring to know that Graham wasn’t the only one wanting this.

“Or maybe more like this?” Graham used his hands on Gold’s hips to pull him closer, rolling onto his side so their pelvises aligned. With a slight shift of his hips he created friction between them.

“Fuck me, Graham,” Gold panted.

“Is that an exclamation or a request?” It was rare enough that Gold swore, which made it that much more telling. It was only when he was upset or, it seemed, aroused.

“Begging,” Duncan clarified. “Please, Graham, I want you inside of me.”

“You don’t have to prove you trust me, if you’re more comfortable with…”

Gold shook his head. “I’m not proving anything. This is what I want. If you don’t like…”

“Oh, I like.” Not that he’d had that many experiences, actually. Men usually paid to fuck, not to be fucked. Though a surprising number paid to give him head. “You’ve done this before?”

“It’s usually what I prefer. It’s been a few months, though. Since before Christmas.” Gold reached between them, fumbling for the snap on Graham’s jeans.

“We met before Christmas.” Graham couldn’t make any similar claims, though he hadn’t, honestly, been with anyone socially in months.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It didn’t seem to be worth the bother, meeting anyone else when all I had to do was think of you and I’d get hard.” Gold got Graham’s jeans undone. Before letting the other man help him out of them Graham took a condom out of the back pocket.

“Did you touch yourself while thinking of me, right here in this bed?” Graham knelt, completely nude now that his jeans were gone. He never bothered with underwear. It was only fair that Gold needed to be just as naked. Graham undid his pants after rolling him onto his back. Gold’s boxers were silk or satin; Graham didn’t know the different but they were soft. And damp in the front, where the tip of Gold’s cock was weeping. “Will you show me?”

“I thought it was as close as I had a right to get.” Duncan hesitated for a moment before pushing down his boxers, hand resting on the elastic.

“You’re a good man, Duncan.” He tugged on Gold’s pants, pulling them down until the lower portion of Gold’s right calf was revealed. It was a mass of scars; no wonder Duncan walked with a cane. Once the pants were gone Graham bent down and kissed the scarred flesh.

“And a slow one,” Graham laughed as he pushed Duncan’s hand out of the way and mouthed him through the boxers. “You have to get undressed if we’re going to get to the fucking.”

“There’s lube in the drawer.” Graham rolled over in the direction Gold had pointed, opening up the drawer and finding just what they needed. When he rolled back Gold was undressed. Graham was able to take in the full view; the narrow hips and rounded belly, the light sprinkling of hair that was thicker at his crotch, the scars at his ankle and the erection that stood almost straight up, curving at the tip. It was thicker than many he’d seen, and perhaps shorter than average.

“How do you fuck yourself when you’re thinking about me?” he asked again, slightly cruder this time. “Will you show me Duncan?”

“I’ll come too soon, Graham, if I do that.” His hand twitched, though, like he wanted to try.

“Just one touch. I want to be able to close my eyes and imagine it. I like knowing you think about me.” He tore open the foil packet, rolling the condom on himself without taking his eyes off of Duncan. His soon to be lover wrapped one hand around his cock and eased it up slowly, thumb swiping across the top. “Did you imagine that was my hand, Duncan? Or did you think about it being my mouth, sucking on your cock?”

“Both.” Duncan’s hand fell to the side, clutching at the sheets as if they were a lifeline. “Don’t make me imagine the rest, Graham. Please.”

“I promise this is very real.” He used the lube on himself first before covering his hand and letting it drip over Gold’s ass. He wanted to see his lover, and kept him on his back so he could see every expression. No matter what Gold asked for he started slow, rubbing the tight muscle with the tip of a lubed finger before working his way inside. “You’ve thought about this before?”

“Sometimes I can’t think of anything else. I’ve gone years without sex before, but now I just think of you…”

“You don’t have to think about it or dream it tonight, Duncan.” Neither of them did. Tonight it was the real thing, as real as Graham had experienced before. It wasn’t just sex, though Graham couldn’t put another label on it.

“Now, Graham.” Gold raised his hips, and Graham nodded, sliding a pillow under him to help support. He rested one hand on Gold’s chest as he used his other hand to guide himself into the tight hole of Gold’s arse.

“Fuck.” He didn’t stop until he was balls deep, Gold’s body taking him in. He started to ask if it was alright for Gold, but the other man’s eyes were rolled back and he was smiling. For a moment he just looked down, before leaning forward to capture the smile in a hard kiss. “Did you imagine this hard and fast or slow and lazy?”

“I don’t want it to end,” was Gold’s answer.

“Open your eyes, Duncan. Let’s see how long we can last.” He held out a hand and their fingers linked as he started with slow deep thrusts. Maybe they’d get to do this again, and Graham could bring a cock ring and make sure they really could go for hours. Maybe next time Gold would fuck him. Maybe they’d try fast and frantic and race to a hard finish. But if this was the only time he got he wanted to remember every moment. Every breath and every touch, every noise and every look.

Gold was the first to come, his seed splashing thick and warm against his belly, his back arching as he shouted a rather loud ‘fuck.’ Graham held as still as he could, watching the bliss on his face.

“Don’t stop. Want to feel you too,” Gold said after a minute, his eyes fluttering open.

Graham shifted, resting his weight on a hand on either side of Duncan’s head, driving his hips forward in deep strokes. When Gold reached up and curled a hand around the back of his neck Graham came too, holding himself deep inside Duncan’s body until he softened and slipped out. He was dripping with sweat when he rolled over onto the bed. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Gold agreed, staring up at the ceiling, eyes half closed.

It was a good five minutes before Graham made himself get up to dispose of the condom and get a washcloth to wipe them both down. Duncan smiled lazily, his body totally relaxed. “Better than the dream.”

“Yeah, it was,” Graham agreed. He laid back down on the bed, listening to Gold’s breathing, letting their arms touched. The temptation to fall asleep was strong, but midnight was approaching. It was almost a new day.

Reluctantly Graham got up once he was certain Duncan was asleep and dressed in the clothes scattered on the floor. He kissed Duncan lightly on the lips before he left.


	4. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold asks Graham to pick a movie.

"I picked up some new movies. There was a sale, and I thought, well we’ve watched most of what I have here." There was a stack of half a dozen dvds on the coffee table next to a bowl of popcorn.

"You didn’t have to do that." But Graham smiled. He loved being in bed with Duncan. And in the shower. And on one memorable occasion in the hot tub out in Duncan’s back yard. But the fact that hey could have that and still sit watching movies and eating popcorn made it unlike any relationship Graham had ever known.

"I saw Swing Time and I couldn’t resist. I remember watching that one with my mother." Duncan loosened his tie, then after a moment just took it off and undid the top button of his shirt. "You don’t mind if we watch that, do you? It’s a musical, so I think you’ll like it."  
"Sounds good." Nothing happened in a musical that couldn’t be resolved through song and dance. It was far removed from his life and perfect.

"I’ll grab us something to drink if you get the dvd."

"Why don’t I…" But Duncan was already out of the room. Graham took a breath and sorted through the stack. Swing Time. It wasn’t one he’d seen before, so he couldn’t call up a memory. Showboat had been easy because there’s been a boat on the cover. White Christmas had been equally simple. 

Two of the movies had titles that were too many words; swing time was either one or two words. One had a cowboy, and that seemed to be a bad enough fit that he pushed it away. That left him with three.

"Would you rather watch something else?" Duncan returned with two mugs of tea.

"I…" What did he say? Graham scrambled for a clue "I was just wondering what you liked best about Swing Time?"

"The dance numbers. There’s nothing quite like Rogers and Astraire. Of course dancing like that was out of my league, even then, but that’s what makes it magical." While the smile on Duncan’s face was a good thing, it didn’t help Graham at all.

"Why don’t I take that tea for you, Dunc," he offered.

"I can manage a few steps without the cane." The smile faded into self consciousness, making Graham feel guilty.

"I didn’t mean that." He picked up the closest movie and hoped for the best.

"I know you didn’t." Duncan looked down at the movie, eyebrows knotting together in confusion. Shit, it wasn’t the right one. Graham turned and put in in the pile of rejected options. There were two more, a fifty fifty shot at picking up the right one.

A fifty fifty shot at being wrong.

"Graham?"

The one with the red words or the blue? The woman in the yellow dress or the pink? He didn’t know. Graham’s hand fell to his side. He couldn’t fake it.

He couldn’t breathe.

Duncan was calling his name, but he headed for the door. Fuck, but he needed a cigarette. A drink. And education. Duncan Gold was a lawyer, a brilliant man. Graham couldn’t figure out two letters on a dvd cover. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

"Those things will kill you." Duncan’s Scottish burr wasn’t unexpected. Graham hadn’t gone any farther than to lean against the garage door.

"There’s plenty that’s more likely to kill me than this." But he didn’t light the cigarette. Duncan had quit a few years before, and there was no reason to tempt him with the smell.

"Graham." A single syllable filled with so much emotion. Pain, primarily.

"I don’t remember my parents. I don’t know that I even had a father, other than the sperm donation. Sometimes I wonder if my mother stood on a street corner around here too. Or if she just left me one one." He had vague memories of cloying perfume, menthol, and a whisper to be quiet. And cold. He remembered the cold real well. 

"I don’t know how old I am. Amy and Pete guessed I was about three when they found me. They called that my birthday, and celebrated it until I was ten. They died before I turned eleven. It gets cold in Maine in the winter and cardboard doesn’t offer a lot of protection." Amy and Peter Wolf. They were the closest he’d had to parents. And then he’d been ten and alone again. "They made sure I got food, sometimes even if they didn’t. They took care of me. They did everything they could, but you can’t exactly register a kid for school when your address is ‘refrigerator box under the bridge.’"

“You can’t…”

"Read? No, I can’t. Can’t write either. Lucky for me not much reading necessary in my line of work." Not much speaking either, for most of his clients. They usually preferred he used his mouth in other ways. Graham looked down at the cigarette he still held and found it shredded. "I want to watch the movie with you, alright? I just don’t know which box to open."

"I understand." Duncan took his hand. "I can’t say it doesn’t matter. It upset you, so it matters. But nothing could make me think less of you, Graham, certainly not this."

Graham nodded, but didn’t speak. Once they were inside, safe from prying eyes, Graham kissed him. And stroked Duncan’s arm. And led him upstairs. For an hour at least he could forget the damned words and do something he knew he wouldn’t fail at.


	5. Ticklish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bathtime

“Are you ticklish, Duncan?” The first time was an accident. The second a test. The third time he brushed a finger along Duncan’s side it was completely on purpose. Duncan squirmed.

“No,” he lied.

“So you’re doing this on purpose?” The left side wasn’t quite as ticklish, but his lover still jerked away from his touch. In the soapy water just the slight movement was enough to make the water slosh around them. Duncan’s back sliding against his chest wasn’t bad either.

“This is going to get used against me at some point, isn’t it?” Gold didn’t seem too bothered by the prospect. For all Graham knew he could even be smiling, which would be a good thing.

“What, you mean me having a reason to touch you? Yeah, it just might.” Not that he needed an excuse to touch Gold. When it was just the two of them there weren’t many boundaries. And the times they were together and there were other people around were rare.

“You’re not ticklish, are you?” Duncan asked hopefully.

“Nope.” He had as a child; he remembered tickle fights and cries of ‘uncle.’ But it didn’t pay in his line of work to break into laughter at a touch. Because it amused him he teased Duncan with a light caress of fingertips along both of his sides, feeling the pattern of his ribs. “I don’t know what game we’re playing but I’m pretty sure I’m winning right now.”

“I think you’re cheating.”

“And what are you going to do about it?” Graham laughed as he let his hands slip down Duncan’s chest, his palms flat against his lover’s belly holding him close. A little lower, with one hand, and it wasn’t about tickling anymore.

“I thought we were relaxing?” The bath had been prompted by an ache in Gold’s ankle and sore muscles Graham wasn’t about to talk about. Dinner had been postponed in favor of hot water and bubbles.

“You don’t find this relaxing?” Graham’s hand moved lazily on Gold’s cock, not in any rush to arouse but simply to touch. “Close your eyes, Dunc. Don’t think about anything, don’t think at all, and just feel the warm water.”

“And you.” Gold let his head fall back, resting against Graham’s shoulder. In the deep tub the water came more than halfway up their chests, the bubbles that Gold had added to the water hiding anything below the surface.

“And me, Dunc. My thighs against your hips, my chest against your back, and my hand, Duncan. Can you feel my hand, Duncan?” Graham closed his own eyes, feeling the weight of Duncan’s body against him, the heaviness of his own cock as it began to thicken, the warm water like a blanket surrounding them both.

“I like this better than tickling.” Gold’s voice was content, his breathing slow. For long minutes they enjoyed the comfortable silence. It was only when Duncan dug his fingers into Graham’s forearm and gasped a harsh ‘please’ that their leisurely pace became something more.

“Please.. this?” Graham couldn’t resist running his fingers over Gold’s side, making him wriggle. Making his arse rub against Graham’s erection. 

“You’re a bastard.” Gold’s hips arched. 

“Probably.” There was no sting in the words, though there had been a time when the word had carried weight. Graham was most amused than anything. especially when Duncan’s thrusting made waves in the tub, stopping a moment later when he came and sunk back into the water.

“Tickle me now and I’ll throw you out of the tub,” Gold muttered, seeming to have no interest in moving.

“I’d like to see that,” Graham commented. Even on a bad day for Graham and a good day for Duncan, Graham would win a wrestling match.

“Tickle me now and when we get out of this tub I will ignore that erection poking my ass right now, and won’t suck it off for you.” That, however, was a real threat. Graham groaned, not from the threat but the mental image it cause.

“I’ll get the towels.”


	6. Aftercare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graham has a tough time with a client.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: sexual abuse, prostitution, sadomasochism

Everything started to go grey, and in a part of his mind Graham wondered if that was how it would end someday. Perhaps it was fitting, but he didn’t relish the idea of his last moments being spent in the bed of someone like Regina.

"Are you ready to come now, Graham?" Both of her hands were around his throat, crushing him, making it hard to breath let alone think. Regina had been in a mood when she’d picked him up an hour ago. Sometimes she told him about it. Today there’s been little talk, but there were sure to be bruises on his thighs later, as well as around his neck.

"Tell me it’s what you want, Graham. Beg me. You don’t need anything more than you need to be allowed to come." She’d kept a cock ring around him for most of the hour, and though he did need to come he needed to breathe more.

"Please, mistress," he managed to choke out. It was enough that she let go, hands going to his hips instead of around his throat. She rode him, breast bouncing and sweat dripping down her skin.

"Not yet. Not until I say. You know the rule." Regina always came first; though it wouldn’t be the first time in the last hour. Fortunately after so many years Graham knew what to do, and found her clit with his finger.

It was more relief than pleasure when he came.

"I’ll see you next week," Regina promised as she let him out on his usual corner. Graham only nodded, and waited on the sidewalk until she was gone. He wasn’t in any condition for a second client; he could go home. He could take his well earned money and go to a bar.

He wanted to see Duncan. It was a bad idea, they’d never seen each other on a Tuesday. Duncan might be working. Hell, he might be on a date. They had a routine, and showing up would break it. And there’d be questions if Duncan saw the marks on his body.

Graham buttoned his shirt to the top, hiding his neck, and started walking.

"Graham." Duncan’s confusion gave way quickly to a smile that relaxed Graham a little.

"You don’t happen to be in the mood for something terribly unrealistic and full of dance numbers, do you?"

"I’ve gotten a Netflix subscription, let’s see what they have. Something to drink?" Gold went into the kitchen, leaving Graham to settle himself on the couch.

Singing in the Rain wasn’t even half over when he fell asleep on Gold’s shoulder, exhausted but knowing that he was, for the time at least, safe.


	7. Chicken Soup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold has a visitor.

He could have sent someone else to drop off the papers, but Gold had been out of the office for two days. He was rarely sick and even less likely to miss a day of work. David wasn’t worried, and Gold certainly had enough sick days saved up, but it wouldn’t hurt to check on him. Besides, it was something friends did, and even if Gold wasn’t good at letting people be his friend, David still considered him one. They’d worked together for almost ten years, share meals even if most of them were working, and Gold came to his parties even if he found an excuse to leave before all the fun happened.

"I brought you soup. Chicken noodle, which Mary Margaret swears can cure anything and Emma says is magic." David had the papers that needed to be signed, but when Gold answered the door it was the Tupperware of soup he first offered.

"You didn’t need to, um, I’ll be in the office tomorrow. It’s just a cold." Gold’s voice was hoarse, his nose red, and his shirt more wrinkled then it was at the end of an all night work session. David was not used to seeing him anything less and in a buttoned shirt and tie.

"There’s a couple of papers that needed signed, and Mary Margaret thought you could use the soup. I’m sure you don’t feel like cooking when you’re sick." When Gold took a step back David used it as an opportunity to step into the house. "I know the last time my wife was sick she didn’t get out of bed. Thank goodness for take out, because it’s a toss up who is worse in the kitchen, Emma or myself."

"I’m sure it will taste good. Let me sign those papers so you can get home to your family." Gold fumbled for a pen, forgetting that he was wearing a robe.

"Dunc, if you don’t get back into bed I’m going to tie you there. And not in the kinky fun way with the…" The man with the accent was almost down the stairs when he stopped and stared at the open door and David standing there. "Oh fuck."

Well, that was interesting. In almost a decade David had never heard Gold mention anyone except an ex wife. He certainly hadn’t mentioned a boyfriend, but it was pretty clear that the man in the shorts and tank top wasn’t just a friend. he was also not at all what David would have pictured if he’d known his coworker had a boyfriend, not with the tattoos and shaggy hair. ”Hey, I’m David, a coworker of Duncan’s.”

"Graham. I’m a…"

"Cousin," Gold said.

"Hired nurse," Graham answered at the same time.

David just nodded, and watched while Gold hastily scribbled his name next to each marked place.

"I’m going to go make some more tea for you, Duncan." The man took the mug he’d been carrying back to the kitchen.

"He seems like a nice guy." David slipped the papers back into his briefcase. 

"He knew I was sick and just…"

"Duncan, I’m glad you have someone. It’s not good, being alone all the time. You don’t have to explain, and you don’t have to justify yourself. But if you don’t want people to know then I won’t say anything." Except to his wife but that was different.

"There’s nothing to tell," Gold protested weakly.

"I hope that’s not true, Duncan. He cares about you, and that’s worth a hell of a lot." And he was going to go home to the family that cared about him. "You can give me back the Tupperware at work. I’ll see you tomorrow if you’re feeling better, but give yourself time."

David waited before he was in the car before laughing. Gold was usually a damn good liar, but it seemed that his walls were down when it came to the man named Graham. In David’s opinion that was a good thing.


	8. Should

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan isn’t sure of his welcome.

"Graham?" Duncan isn’t sure of his welcome. Never mind that it is his house and his bathroom; that Graham had chosen the guest bath rather than the one in the master bedroom is telling enough. He stands with a towel wrapped around his waist, staring at the fogged over mirror, and doesn’t say a word.

"Graham?" Duncan repeats, softer this time. He stays in the threshold, not leaving but not coming closer either. Graham’s forearms, stretched as he held onto the sink, show tense muscles. The only tattoo Duncan can see is the lopsided heart behind Graham’s ear. It’s strange, to only see the un-inked skin. All of Graham’s art, though, is in places he can reach. His own work, except for two of them.

”I shouldn’t have come.” It is almost surprising, when Graham speaks.

"Because you don’t want to be here?" Duncan’s hand tighten on his cane. It seems a year before Graham shakes his head.

"Do you understand what I am, Duncan? Where I was an hour ago?" He can’t see Graham’s face but he can see the sagging shoulders and hear the tone of voice the cuts him like a knife.

The second to last thing he wants is to think about where Graham might have been an hour ago, but worse than that is Graham thinking it defines him.

"I understand _who_ you are. And where you are now.” He watches carefully for any sign of rejection as he moves closer, but Graham stays perfectly still. He doesn’t so much as twitch a muscle when Duncan rests a hand between his shoulder blades. ”Do you want to talk about it?”

"Hell no. I shouldn’t…"

"I want you to be here." He kisses the back of Graham’s neck, where the wet hair curls.

"I want you." Sex isn’t an answer, not when sex is the problem too. But what they have is different from anything else Graham’s faced today. Duncan is certain of that. He presses a kiss between Graham’s shoulder blades.

"Are you here, Graham? Here right now with me?" He reaches across, using a washcloth to wipe down the mirror. It’s not terrible effective, the image smeared and foggy, but it’s enough to see them both in the mirror.

"I never confuse you for _them_ , Dunc.” For a moment their eyes meet in the reflection.

"We can go out to eat, or order a pizza. We can go downstairs and watch something. Tell me if you don’t want to do this." It doesn’t matter if he’s already half hard, curled up against Graham’s back, knowing that with a single touch the towel would fall. He’ll be damned before he is anything like one of Graham’s clients. 

It is Graham who let his towel fall. ”I want.” 


	9. Bruised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graham shook his head. They lived in such different worlds. For Duncan Gold justice was dispensed in a court room. Graham just learned who to avoid .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for vague mentions of dub con and for physical abuse.

“You’ve got to the count of ten before I call the cops.” The walls of the apartment were thin, and Graham could hear his roommate’s bluster. He knew there was little other than imminent death that would get Ruby to call the cops. The fact that she used the threat, though, was enough to have him limping out of his room.

“…know he’s alright.” Ruby had the door blocked, but even a few words of the Scottish burr were immediately recognizable.

“How many fucking times do I have to tell you that I don’t know who you’re talking about. This is my place.” If anyone else was at the door Graham would be glad of Ruby’s deflection. Duncan was the exception to the rule.

“It’s alright, Rubes.” Graham wished he’d grabbed a sweatshirt to cover most of the visible bruises, but it was too late.

“Fuck.” Duncan was staring at him, eyes wide, as if he’d never seen a man three days after a beating.

“This is Movie Guy, isn’t it?” Ruby looked over her shoulder at him, some of the tension in her shoulders easing up.

“Yeah.” Ruby nodded and stepped back. 

“It’s weird that he figured out where we lived, but I’m going to trust you that he’s not a crazy psycho and I’m not going to wake up dead in an hour.” Ruby nodded to the tv that was on. “I’ll be watching last night’s Nashville if you need me. This one looks like I could throw him out of here on my own.”

“Thanks.” She was a good friend.. His best friend, except maybe Duncan was a best friend too. Which was still hard to understand, and not a label he’d ever given someone he was having sex with. “You want to come in?”

“You didn’t come over Sunday, and when I called…” He still stood out in the hallway, leaning more heavily on his cane then usual.

“I need to get a new phone. Mine apparently doesn’t like water.” Especially when it was deliberately dropped into a motel toilet. 

“I should have borrowed Ruby’s to let you know.” It was strange that there was someone who would worry. Not a client, annoyed or angry, like Regina would be. But worried about his safety. “Come in, Dunc. It’s not much but it’s better than the hallway.”

“Someone hurt you.” Duncan wore a dark grey suit, his red tie knotted perfectly, his shoes shined. It was one of the outfits he wore to court. He must had come straight from work.

“It happens, one of the hazards of my job.” He shrugged, and remembered why that was a bad thing. There was probably still a boot mark or two on his upper back. When Duncan came into the apartment he closed the door and locked it. Ruby would be leaving soon, he knew, but until then he could use the chain as well. They didn’t have a deadbolt, the building super didn’t care. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Do you know who it was? I could…”

“It doesn’t matter.” It wasn’t one of his regulars. Just a guy, who wanted more than he’d been willing to provide.

“I don’t usually handle criminal proceedings, but if you have a copy of the police report…”

Graham shook his head. They lived in such different worlds. For Duncan Gold justice was dispensed in a court room. Graham just learned who to avoid and bought a new phone. “Cops aren’t really my thing.”

“But…”

“I’m a prostitute, Duncan. I have sex for money, which is illegal in the state of Maine. I can’t exactly file a complaint when a john doesn’t pay, or when he gets a few kicks in after he’s done fucking me.” Duncan flinched, and Graham was sorry he’d been quite so blunt. When he was at Duncan’s house it was like a bubble, separate from everything else. This, however, was his home. His life. His reality. “I have beer, water, vodka, and cranberry juice. Ruby likes cosmos.”

“Don’t touch my cosmos unless you’re planning on shopping today, G. There’s just enough for my after work cocktail.” Ruby didn’t turn away from her show, but spoke loud enough to be heard.

“He’s company, Rubes.” Graham opened up the fridge and reached for a beer.

“I’m not the one fucking him, so I don’t have to share.” Ruby hit pause and turned around. “No offence, you seem a decent guy. But I have two dates tonight and no time to shop.”

“I understand. I’m not thirsty anyway.” His hand moved restlessly, though, so Graham poured him a glass of water. Even if he didn’t drink it at least he’d have something to do with his hands. “I’m sorry. I…”

Graham shook his head. “Don’t apologize for caring, Duncan.”

“It makes me angry. I don’t care about a police report, honestly, I just want to use my cane to…” Gold looked down at his water. “Can I see? I know there’s probably nothing I can do, but you’re hurting and…”

Graham took a long pull on his beer, draining most of the can. “Let’s go in my room.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Ruby called out from the couch.

“That’s not saying much,” Graham snorted. Ruby flipped him off, and even with her turned away he could imagine the smile. She was as close to family as he had, and what he imagined a little sister might have been like.

“You can close the door,” Graham said when they were inside his room. The bed was made, but that was about all he could say. His sketch pad was open on the bed, his ipod playing from a Radio Shack speaker. Other than a dresser there wasn’t much more in the room. Graham, deciding it was better to get things over with, pulled off his shirt and tossed it on the bed.

“Fuck.” Duncan’s first impulse was to look away. Graham didn’t blame him; he knew from the mirror what Duncan was seeing. Bruises, some still dark blue, some turning a sickly yellow, covered as much of his back as his tattoos covered of the front. There were a few on the backs of his thighs and one turning green on his ass, but most were on his back. He’d pissed blood the first day, but that had gone away. 

“They’re just bruises. A couple of weeks and you won’t even see them.” He reached for his shirt, but Duncan’s hand on his back stopped him. The touch was so light he could barely feel it.

“They scare me.” 

“Why?” Graham didn’t move. Didn’t turn around or look over his shoulder. Duncan’s hands moved slowly as if he was looking for a pattern to the bruises. None existed.

“I didn’t know. Three days and I didn’t know, and next time if… I wouldn’t know, Graham. I wouldn’t be able to do anything.” Gold’s voice broke. Graham didn’t think, but did the first thing that came to mind. He turned, yanked Duncan closer by the front of his shirt, and kissed him. He didn’t stop until he’d backed Duncan into the wall and they were both out of breath.

“I don’t want to matter that much to you. I don’t want to be able to hurt you like that.” His forehead was pressed against Duncan’s and his eyes were closed. He was hurting Duncan and that mattered far more than the bruises on his back.

“It’s too late. You already matter that much.” Duncan’s hands cupped his cheeks, holding him without restraint. When Graham opened his eyes Duncan was staring at him. “You matter more than anyone alive.”

“Duncan.” He didn’t have the words; they didn’t come easy to him like they did for his lover. He couldn’t make a promise. He didn’t dare say the word love out loud. But he could show Duncan what he felt. “Kiss me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” 

Graham shook his head. “You never could.”

The kiss wasn less gentle than Graham might have expected, tongues dueling, like a newly realized hunger. He almost didn’t notice Duncan’s hands on his snap until his jeans were being pushed down. There were no bruises on the front of his legs for Duncan to discover even if he looked closely.

Apparently he was going to look very closely, as he moved to kneel, weight on his can to assist him. “Dunc?”

“I’ve never done this for you, and I want to. I want you to feel something good, not pain.” Gold, kneeling on the floor, looked up at him. His expression was almost pleading.

“You don’t have to, Dunc. Your leg…”

“Is not that bad. And it’s not have to, it’s want to.” Duncan’s hand wrapped around Graham’s half erect cock. “Please?”

“I love your mouth, Duncan. I’m not going to be a fucking idiot and say no if it’s what you want.” Hell no. He’d had men on their knees before. Even a few women. But none of them had looked up at him and smiled as if being given a gift. None of them had him hardening so quickly just at the idea of a blow job.

No one ever made him moan from just a single touch of their tongue. 

“I’ll call if I’m going to be later than midnight,” Ruby called through the door. They always had a curfew, just between themselves. A location as well, when possible.

“Be safe,” Graham managed to call back, though it was an effort to focus that much. Duncan’s mouth was just as skilled at sucking and licking as it was at kissing, and he was already squirming. He needed something to hold onto, but the only thing he could reach was Duncan’s hair. He wouldn’t risk that, not if he might pull too hard.

When Duncan massaged his balls with his hand Graham was lost. “Oh fuck me, fuck me.”

Duncan, it seemed, didn’t have a problem swallowing.

“Need a hand up?” Graham asked.

“You don’t look too steady yourself.” For the first time since arriving at the apartment Duncan smiled.

“Cocky bastard,” Graham teased as he held out a hand. “You did alright.”

“I’m up for the challenge. I can do better than alright.”

“Oh you’re up alright, Dunc.” Graham pressed his hand to Gold’s crotch, rubbing his erection through the linen trousers. “I’ve got plenty of condoms if you want to do something about that.”

“I like your optimism. Plenty, he says.” When Graham turned towards the bed Duncan reached out to rest a hand on his back. Graham looked over his shoulder to see the smile fade.

“I want you to fuck me, Dunc. It’s not going to make the bruises worse.” He’d almost forgotten them, in the moment.

“It’s not just fucking.” Duncan took a step closer and kissed the bruise between his shoulders. “It’s more than that.”

Graham didn’t know what to say.


End file.
